Kimber, in Cochabamba, shared the beautiful song "Yet I Will Praise" that I've never heard but is so appropriate. The music is even soothing.
I just wanted to share this song with you guys, and I'd appreciate it if you'd pass it along to anyone else that you think would be ministered to by hearing the words. I remember that I bought this cd right before 9/11 and would often be listening to this particular song as I would drive home from work and would cross over the bridge and would see the burning heaps of what was left of the Twin Towers. I remember having to sing it many times before I could actually believe it. At that point in time, we had no idea what life was going to be like and so there was a deep truth in singing these words, when we can't see where God is in a situation, but trusting him anyway, trusting him to be faithful no matter what, and that somehow in all of it, he remains worthy of our praise.
All of those touched by Joel's sweet life are in my prayers as you work through your grief and loss.
And Amber, who just graduated from nursing school in Texas, wrote me:
About a month ago a little 7 month old baby came to the ER not breathing. .........When I left the hospital that evening I was so angry that if that stepdad had been there I don't know what I would have done. I was mad at God too because what in the world was He thinking?? and he wasn't even my baby. I'm sure what you feel is even worse. Anyways, as I got into my car and drove home I was already crying and then the song "Always" by Building 429 came on. I had to make myself sing it. I didn't want to say that my Savior never fails because it felt like He had. But I did and it helped. Then as I was leaving the school Saturday after reading this email, the song came on again. It's like God is trying to really teach me to praise Him even when it's the last thing I want to do.
The whole situation still makes no sense to me....and I'm pretty sure it never will. But even when all hope is gone, He knows our pain and will be with us.
A clip about the story behind writing "Always":
Friends from all over the world are writing things like "I've been sitting here trying and trying to think of what to say and can't think of anything", but the emails above prove the contrary. It's not easy to be vulnerable and share stories like these or simply "I don't get it" (we certainly don't, either!).
And really, the most helpful is simply being there for us, to see that someone took the time to write and say "I'm sorry", although it hurts to know so many others are grieving this with us. On Sunday, a church in Scotland had the congregation stand in a moment of silence and then prayer, as a way of recognizing our sufferings at Casa de Amor. That is incredibly touching.
Many others have written me and are sharing in our sorrow in all different ways. Today I will share with the staff of the Baby Home as much as I can of what's been written to bless us during this time, and later I will post on more.
We could start a whole song collection with this theme! Elena, a volunteer to join us in January 2010, just emailed this:
My heart is heavy for the loss of one of your little ones, and the different challenges you are facing! While I served in Haiti I had to say good-bye to three precious babies and there are no words... Suffice to say I am praying for you and your staff and the other children! I noticed that some people sent you songs of comfort...attached is an mp3 file of the song that helped me grieve during my father's illness and death...Jeremy Camp's "There Will Be A Day".