It doesn't seem possible that it's just been one month. One day, one month, or one year? Time just moves at a different speed than before.
In some ways I want to move far past it. FAR.
In another way moving on seems to mean forgetting. Moving on, and away from remembering days with Gabriela.
I'd rather move back to being with her. To trying again. Getting her healthier so that she could withstand a common childhood illness...
I still hate it. I hate remembering what happened that morning one month ago. And then the days after, playing over and over again what could have gone wrong and how and if we could have prevented it. Awful. Horrible. Nightmare. Yes, good has come out of it. But I still wish it all undone. God could have chosen another way to bring us together, to regroup and reunite in our care of the babies.
We just want our Gabi back.
In some ways I want to move far past it. FAR.
In another way moving on seems to mean forgetting. Moving on, and away from remembering days with Gabriela.
I'd rather move back to being with her. To trying again. Getting her healthier so that she could withstand a common childhood illness...
I still hate it. I hate remembering what happened that morning one month ago. And then the days after, playing over and over again what could have gone wrong and how and if we could have prevented it. Awful. Horrible. Nightmare. Yes, good has come out of it. But I still wish it all undone. God could have chosen another way to bring us together, to regroup and reunite in our care of the babies.
We just want our Gabi back.
Our cute little pair, Gabriel and Gabriela. New pictures to show of the two of them, growing. More pictures with twins E & E.
b.jpg)
The caption on this picture and a few others in December 08 was "my babies". That wasn't really right to say, though. Now she's definitely not mine, there in Heaven with her Father.
I read this post the night before the three week anniversary, which was particularly hard for some reason: He Will Carry Me.
The distance between heaven and earth is shortened.
The song "Mighty To Save" by Hillsongs is one of my favorites, but the line "He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave" just didn't register the same way before that it does now. What comfort and hope!
Her twin brother Gabriel is doing well. Has a cough, but who doesn't in Cochabamba right now. Sometimes when he smiles and coos, I get distracted by thinking too much. Things like "He doesn't know yet, what's been taken from him". Or "How would Gabriela look now? Would she still weigh a kilo less than him or would she have caught up by now?"
He's a joy. So sweet...and ticklish!
There are so many others to care for. Currently 38, all with their own needs and our staff team striving to meet them all, care for them all.
Her twin brother Gabriel is doing well. Has a cough, but who doesn't in Cochabamba right now. Sometimes when he smiles and coos, I get distracted by thinking too much. Things like "He doesn't know yet, what's been taken from him". Or "How would Gabriela look now? Would she still weigh a kilo less than him or would she have caught up by now?"
He's a joy. So sweet...and ticklish!
There are so many others to care for. Currently 38, all with their own needs and our staff team striving to meet them all, care for them all.
That keeps us busy.
.jpg)
3 comments:
I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I stumbled upon your blog through My Charming Kids and am inspired by what you are all doing in the lives of these children in Bolivia. It is awesome. You will be in my prayers as you continue coping with the pain of loss and also as you continue in the work that God has given you.
Hi,
How wonderful to 'meet' you on my blog. Thank you for your very sweet comment.
What an amazing job you are doing for the kids in Bolivia. I must admit, I started reading your blog and my heart LONGED to be out on the mission field again. How I long for that. maybe some day the Lord will release us to go again. We love it!
Your babies are all so precious. I can't wait to journey along with you.
Jen...I'm so sorry. I still think about you guys often and have intended to call you a few times but gotten distracted. Here's praying that you soon have only good memories!
Post a Comment